My name is Royalle. I am surgeon general of MARS and would like to take some time out from my busy career to impart some vital health & safety advice. The world we live in is a dangerous one, and you must take measures, sometimes extreme measures to protect those dear to you.
Below you will see a picture of my esteemed colleague Scubadoctor. He has written some fine papers on personal safety and protection, and has saved many lives with his innovations. The test subject shown is protected from airbourne threats from his sealed suit and self contained air supply, he is also completely water resistant. You may say this is an overreaction to the threat of catching a cold on the train, but you would be WRONG. In fact it is preferable to never leave the house without a trained medical professional.
VERDICT: SAFE!
Much talk is made of the protection that hardhats offer. Whilst hard hats are ok, what if something falls on you from the side, or even from below! Any educated individual will realise that the only safe option is complete head encasement, in an inflatable bubble. As you can see protection is total, no fear of any bumps now. Admittedly the hood does render you completely blind, but you wont be leaving the house without your medical professional anyway, so they will be able to lead you.
VERDICT: SAFE
Trips and falls are a great cause of injury in the UK, every year more than three people are hurt by going arse over tit. This clever (and extremely tall) young lady has protected herself by the addition of airbags.
VERDICT: SAFE!
Indeed this lady is a great example to us all, see how she is checking the loction of the emergency exits and fire extinguishers.
VERDICT: SMART!
If you have to travel anywhere the safest option is to get someone to shrink wrap you. Held completely immobile you will be unable to bump into anything or anyone. All you will need is a vacuum forming machine, or vacbed, as we have used here.
Of course make sure you can breathe, after all we don’t want any accidents. Ha ha. No seriously we don’t.
VERDICT: SAFE!
Recent studies show that most accidents occur when doing things, or going places. So don’t! Here you can see that the young lady has been shrink wrapped, as outlined above, but is that really enough? No it isn’t! To ensure total accident immunity the lady has been lashed to a sturdy piece of furniture. Well done Mr. Rigs!
VERDICT: SAFE!
We hope this helpful advice will serve you well and keep you out of harms way.
Remember the acronym M.A.R.S Mishap Avoidance Requires Safety.
As you were…..
